Write Right Now

I have instances of clarity, which are quickly followed by moments where I am overwhelmed. As if I will never know enough to write with any authority on my topic without being tethered to some book , some theorist, some quote that has me entranced momentarily.

What is this "topic" anyway? Identity construciton on cams and blogs. Women (specifically) are building self-portraits, using blogs and cams as tools and the internet as a repository, that reflect the performance of everyday life. Watching these performances is a whole new way of spectating. And filling the holes in your self.

I guess watching these performances while constructing your own performance and then trying to write about it can also cause some sort of weird mental paralysis.

I know I can write. I just can't write right now.

The universe can conspire against your plans, I know this much is true. But I think this current immobility is mostly a self-conspiracy, a me vs. me scenario only. There is fear. What if I fill all these holes? What will be left, then?

I'm working, it just doesn't look like I am. You'll see.

Some Times

I don't know what to think. Which translates into a deep sense of discomfort of being in the world. I understand why I am so scattered and unknown to myself. I'm working on something so important, so life changing, that I just haven't been able to write about it, or anything else.

This is still for me....but there is a place for the other person that I'm working on.